Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
