If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
