idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Welp...herpes.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
