I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize