i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize