He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
