Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize