you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
