apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
