I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't deserve a penis
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
