She's JV to your varsity
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
