I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
