I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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