All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
