He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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