I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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