I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
