Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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