In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
