Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize