Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
