can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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