Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
