I look better un-naked...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize