got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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