Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
