turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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