Your dad touched me again.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
