Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
