If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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