some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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