Betty ford says i'm here all night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
