Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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