My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize