I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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