another moral hangover. fuck.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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