Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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