we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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