You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize