I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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