During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
