Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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