Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
