my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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