I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
