we're chasing vodka with high fives
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
