Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
