last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
