I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize