I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
