You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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