News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
