i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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