You just made me feel so damn special
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize