dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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