Im at strip club and am horny
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
