We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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