it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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