i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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