Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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