haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
