Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
