It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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