His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
