Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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